New Things!

I started this blog years ago... literally. I had fun using it as my journal and then we had to use a blog for school. When blogging was something that I was required to do it was not nearly as much fun. I have not logged into my blog since I was in high school. This week I started thinking about my life and how stressful things are, I would love if there was a playbook or guide on how to be a grown up.I thought, I can write that playbook, I will post my experiences and finding for people in my situation. If you are getting married, going to school, buying a house, going on a trip, cooking dinner, on pinterest, or just trying to get by on a daily basis then maybe this blog will be able to help you. It is mainly therapeutic for me to write down these things but I think it may help other too. So, here goes post number one!

Kylee

Literature through the Year

Literature we've read through out the year has had an impact on me. Some more than others obviously. The alchemyst was one that hit me good. A young boy trying to do what he thinks is best for his life, not having anyone to rely on. Always seeming to get stuck in the bad parts of life. He ran from home and what his parents wanted for him at a young age and became living the life of a shepard, through dreams he believe there was something more. He began to search for it. I think many of us have a fantasy about a secret life we could live, leaving home against your parents will to go and live a life you want. Everyone wants to live "their" life. Without having anyone trying to point them into any directions, being able to figure each situation out on your own. And then there is that thought in the back of our heads that tells us, there could be something more, the grass is always greener on the other side. Which is true right? You go searching endlessly to find that something that's on the other side, to either be disappointed or to be happy. It takes a lot of courage to leave your comfort and what you know, to go out and find a whole new life for yourself. A man said to the Universe is also one of my favorites. I read it last year in Mrs. Maschmeyers class. We think everything is about me me me. But its not. This man is talking to existence and the universe and everything around him, talking big. What would you do if I wasnt here? The universe replys I wouldn't care. It makes no difference if we are here or not. God created this universe first, without us. We are blessed enough that He put us on it. The universe will still go round and round until God tells it to stop. It makes you think though, how many people would care if you died? or didn't ever exist? Not many. So why do we still act like the world revolves around us? We should show some compassion to other people and get out of this me me me mindset and see where that gets us, we may find out that we are a lot happier. Think about your parents, siblings, friends, teachers, spouse, walmart clerks, librarians, gas station attendants first. Just for one day.

OTFREE?

I'm feeling so accomplished. Last week was very stressful and full of anxiety. This week I haven't solved any of my problems but I feel better. I don't know why, but I'm glad I do. Going to OTC yesterday was an experience. I'm glad I have 2 years of a free education, great. But that doesn't make me want to go to the school of the blind. Some of these people are pure stupid. You can't fix dumb. The man that was happy because he could read at a 5th grade reading level, wow. He was crazy. I think people with learning dissabilitties and have a hard time understanding in the class room should still try and the should get help for their disabbilities, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a class room full of them. I've had my fair share of stupid people in highschool, I figured college would be more selective. I guess this is why you don't go to juco where everyone and their brother is handed a full ride. I wanted college to be exciting and more challenging, something I really enjoy. Now I don't feel challenged at all. I'm going to OTC with 100 kids from my graduating class, yay. I wanted to go meet new people and enjoy the experience. I guess what I'm saying is I wish I would have listened to what I wanted a little more and decided to go somewhere and live on campus. Even if I didn't go far away, just MSU I wish I would have decided to live on campus, to get that college feel. I'm blessed and happy I got 2 free years for college, I know in the end none of this will matter. They are just gen eds so who cares. College is suppose to be fun and exciting, becoming an adult and living on your own. Parties and fun with your friends. Working and trying to fit everything in. I feel like I'm not getting that.

No Back Bone

What if nursing school and being a nurse isn't for me? I've been thinking about it a lot. I need to figure it out sometime. but I can't. It's the only occupation that I can put myself in and i will be happy with it for the rest of my life. I keep thinking there must be something better, something that drives me more. I don't want to wake up everyday hating my job. I want to enjoy it and be happy. Of course. I really enjoy working with special needs kids. If there is a classroom with one kid that has something special I'll work with that kid the whole day, and I love it. So why am I not going to school to work with special needs? I would love to be an at home tutor with kids that struggle with autism or asburgers. So why am I going to nursing school? I don't really know why. It makes me sad now that I sit down and write this down. I feel it's that I'll upset people if they know I'm going to be a teacher, there is people out there that want more for me than that, teachers don't make any money. I've said that before too. Am I only going to school for the money. I'll be making good money in 2 years, that's awesome. But what if there is the other job that will make me more happy. Who am I kidding. I'm going to nursing school. I am so easily influenced I will never choose anything that makes me the happiest. I'll choose everything that makes everyone else the happiest.

Stress

Stress. Why does it seem like there is so much for me to do but no time to do it. I'm freaking out. Do you know how easy it would be to be homeless? They have their own system of things. They have a way to take showers and to still take care of themselves, some what. and they can still get some food. It's not the easiest way to live, nor is it clean and fun but they have nothing else to worry about. They don't worry about school work, or bills. They just do what they know how and do a good job at it. They don't worry about relationships. I heard the other day someone said the best relationship anyone can have is a homeless couple. Which makes sense. They don't have anything else but each other. That's sweet. They don't have needs that have to be met or finances to fight about or jealousy or anything. They only have each other to work together and survive out there on their own. I wonder what it's like to live and no worry. I know they worry about food and showers but tons of places are giving out free food now, all the time. I wouldn't enjoy being homeless, but I would enjoy the life of not worrying. It would be nice to not have something to think about non stop either. I constantly have something running through my head that I need to do. Always. Once I finish it something else pops into my head. Enlgish paper, work, college, homework, cleaning. Non stop, 24/7. I can't take it much longer. I need my brain to not be so full. I need to relax.

No smoking or Drinking in Theaters

I'm happy smoking got banned in public places. I don't want to walk by you on the sidewalk or in the applebee's and be poisoned. It's your own decision to smoke. That's fine. Smoke all you want. Just don't do it next to me. I can't stand walking through smoke. Or even being around it. Because when you are puffing on the poison you are causing more harm to me than anyone else. Restaurants aren't places to be smoking. Family environments aren't the place to be. Smoke in bars or clubs or wherever else smokers hang out. Just not in family places. They aren't taking your freedom away either. No one freaked out when they banned smoking in schools or tobacco can't be brought onto a campus. Everyone thought that was a good idea. They didn't want their kids around that or taking part in that. It's the same thing here. I'm sure a lot of people that voted yesterday thought of their kids. When they sit down at a restaurant they don't want their little baby to already be experiencing 2nd hand smoke. This bill was written up by citizens, pushed through legislation by citizens and voted on by citizens. Maybe you should have been doing something to get your way if you didn't want your so call "freedom" taken away. Drinking in movie theaters is a whole different story. You don't go to a theater to get smashed. You go there to be quiet and have a nice night with some friends or a date. No one around you wants to hear your drunken butt. If you can't sit through a movie for 2 hours without having an alcoholic beverage then you have a serious problem, you should stop worrying about this bill and go to an AA meeting to get some help. They didn't take your freedom away either. Citizens that voted on this were smart enough to realize how stupid it is to go to a movie and have drinking.

Money

Money. Money drives people. Kids now a days won't do anything unless they get something out of it. The other day some guy was stuck on the side of the road and someone pulled up and offered help for 10 dollars. Are you really that cheap you can't give a helping hand without needing money? Cheap may not be the word for it. Are you really so low that you pounce on the weak. Most people will try to give something back to you after you've helped them. But sometimes it feels good to do something without getting anything in return. Community Service. I'm glad to see so many organizations require hours of community service. Kids need to get out in the world and see what it's like. They need to realize it's not all about video games and then someday they will get out of highschool and be ready to start college and make money. My mindset use to be right out of highschool and going into college I want to move out and have just as nice of stuff my parents have and live in a bigger or better house. That can't happen. You have to work hard for what you have. If you don't it won't mean anything to you. Working at Papa Murphy's doesn't excite me. I'm thankful to have a job but I don't go into work cheerful and happy. There is plenty more I'd rather be doing. But once that paycheck rolls around and I want to hang out with my friends or buy things, I'm sure glad I have a job. You have to give some to get some. I have to give my time to the job in order to make money in the end. I'm looking forward to being a nurse, I'm happy I'll always make a good paycheck and my family will be able to survive. But what if I found something else that made me happier than nursing but wasnt paid as well? I wouldn't choose it. I look at money and see it as a safety belt. I want it. Not to spend or to buy the next big thing with. But to hoard and save for a rainy day.